I have been meaning to write for days. I suppose I am complacent in some ways as much as there is also too little time. I am in mourning again. My memento Moi bracelet may gain a new skull but... do I include a person who would consign their daughter to death over themself? I spend much time wondering if my father killed mother or if she truly killed herself. While I sorrow I find it is for the illusion that I believed in for so long.
The horrors and realities of my parents are beyond my mind. I do not know if I will see father again. At this point I am consigning myself to acceptance. Many letters... even Saoirse is out of my reach. Gravvyn is here at least so I am not alone and recent events illuminated my awareness to those who hold me dear as much as I care for them.
Being a ward is never a good thing but I struggle to imagine it as a bad thing now. As the truths continue to fall. Mother is dead. I am prepared for Father to follow. I do not know if he will be sent to the wall or die but I am exhausted. I have to decide if they merit the Memento Mori. I carved the pearls myself with directions on how by a jeweler. It is a private memorial. I suppose it would mean forgiveness for their choice to abandon me with silence, for not lying.
I am left too with refreshing news that the Northern Lords and Ladies here support me in being safe. I cannot pretend this is an unpleasant thing though again I had to voice concerns that could ruin someone. I was nearly betrothed to Lord Jarvas Dustin. He chose to make subtle threats I could not shake. Commenting upon his pronouncement he would agree to wed one of the Manderly that it was not Saoirse but me as he would be least likely to kill me. This was before all present at his luncheon. I have had several warn me he make seek reprisal after his reaction at the meeting.
Today I attend a Court of Beauty luncheon. I look forward to seeing who attends. It shall be an adventure. I admit it feels a bit wrong with the chaos here in the south and as it is purportedly hosted by the Princess Daenera and not one of the Baratheon Princesses.
The horrors and realities of my parents are beyond my mind. I do not know if I will see father again. At this point I am consigning myself to acceptance. Many letters... even Saoirse is out of my reach. Gravvyn is here at least so I am not alone and recent events illuminated my awareness to those who hold me dear as much as I care for them.
Being a ward is never a good thing but I struggle to imagine it as a bad thing now. As the truths continue to fall. Mother is dead. I am prepared for Father to follow. I do not know if he will be sent to the wall or die but I am exhausted. I have to decide if they merit the Memento Mori. I carved the pearls myself with directions on how by a jeweler. It is a private memorial. I suppose it would mean forgiveness for their choice to abandon me with silence, for not lying.
I am left too with refreshing news that the Northern Lords and Ladies here support me in being safe. I cannot pretend this is an unpleasant thing though again I had to voice concerns that could ruin someone. I was nearly betrothed to Lord Jarvas Dustin. He chose to make subtle threats I could not shake. Commenting upon his pronouncement he would agree to wed one of the Manderly that it was not Saoirse but me as he would be least likely to kill me. This was before all present at his luncheon. I have had several warn me he make seek reprisal after his reaction at the meeting.
Today I attend a Court of Beauty luncheon. I look forward to seeing who attends. It shall be an adventure. I admit it feels a bit wrong with the chaos here in the south and as it is purportedly hosted by the Princess Daenera and not one of the Baratheon Princesses.
